Throughout my life I have trusted and believed in a loving, gracious, and merciful God. He has helped me through the hardest times I've ever been through. I took comfort in knowing that He is always with me. Until one day in Residential after I had finished my school work.
I was reading about Jesus in Matthew and it came to the part where he gives the promise "I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world." (Matthew 28:20). That's when it dawned on me. God was there when I was raped. I was in his house. He saw it happen, he heard my cries, he knew my pain and he didn't stop it.
I didn't understand. I had always been taught that we were never alone and I had faith in that, but coming to the understanding that he was there made me feel more alone than ever. I didn't understand why He would allow that to happen to me.
I took my question to Heavenly Father. I asked him why he would stand by something that terrible. He spoke the greatest peace to my heart. I understood that he is my father. I am his daughter. He loves me more than I could ever comprehend.
I realized the only thing worse than God being there would be if he were not. Even in the worst moment of my life when I was faced with horrors one could only imagine I was not alone. More importantly than that I was not left alone in my recovery.
I have seen my Heavenly Father's hand in my recovery every step of the way. He has put me in places I need to be with the people I needed to help me. During times I could not walk, he carried me.
God allows terrible things to happen to us. He lets natural disasters happen. He lets people become terminally ill. He let a very bad man do very bad things to me. We need to have trials in our lives. They are what test us and make us grow.
Through this trial I have come to understand that Heavenly Father didn't want this to happen to me, but we all have our agency and he couldn't take away that from my attacker. What he could do was stay with me then and every day since.