It is all too easy to get drug down to the hole of endless misery and woe when you're dealing with mental illness. They takes apart every fabric of your being and rearranges it to fit their own specific symptoms. There are days you feel like you will never be yourself again, you will never be whole again, you will never be okay again.
I get it. I was there. Over the past three and a half years I have had four different diagnosed mental illnesses at one point or another. Currently I stand at Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Throughout my fifteenth and sixteenth year I went through a major depressive episode. My mother once told me that there was nothing behind my eyes when she looked at me. I contemplated suicide. I felt like I would never be okay again.
My life is not easy. No ones life is easy, but I am no longer in that terrible place I was in. I am working hard to get myself healthy. On the days I feel like I'm being drug back down I look back and realize how far I've come. I'm in college. I'm living on my own. Those are things no one thought I'd be able to do at this age.
It does get better. You will be okay. It might not be today, but it is coming. The pain and the misery, it doesn't last forever. Find a support system. My life did not get better by chance. It is a process. I am currently in five to six hours of individual or group therapy each week. I have to work every day to keep healthy, but it's possible. It was possible for me and it is possible for you too.
When children are little they rely on the faith of their parents. At times during these struggles I have had to rely on the hope and faith of those around me when I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. If all you see is darkness I offer you my hope. Hold on to it until you have some of your own. Keep fighting, warrior. I'm fighting right here beside you.