I've been in therapy since I was 15. I was hospitalized five times as an adolescent and spent ten weeks in a residential treatment facility.
I'm still not "fixed".
I sometimes feel that because I'm not as unstable as I used to be that people expect me to have become all better. I felt like this a lot after I came home from Canon.
I don't know if people really expected me to be better or if it was just another unrealistic expectation I placed on myself, but I've come to realize that I will never be "fixed", and more importantly, that I don't need to be.
I am unbroken. I don't have to be repaired.
Mental illness is a clinical illness. Just like having Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome does not make me damaged or less than, neither does struggling with mental illness.
Needing to go to therapy every week does not make me weak. I am receiving treatment for my illness. Would you deny a man with kidney failure dialysis? Of course not.
In my early years of diagnosis I mainly saw what my illnesses would take away from my life. The things that were no longer possible for me. I saw how my life would never be normal and the hardships that would follow me.
I didn't have the eyes to see at that time the changes that were happening in me for the better. I didn't see the strength and the insight I was developing. I didn't see the voice that was blooming waiting to be set free.
Now I do and I realize that even though I am not "fixed", I don't need to be. This is who I am and this is who I will stay.