I've started so many blog posts throughout the past little while about this, but haven't been able to finish any of them.
My mental health has been consistently inconsistent since January. I'm safe, I'm managing, but I've been working on residual effects of trauma with my therapist and the possible addition of a new diagnosis.
With this has come on and off depression, though I'm fairly certain that it's stemming from my chronic pain rather than my mental health. It can make things difficult. I often get frustrated and discouraged, but have been striving lately to remind myself of all the good in my life.
With everything that I've been through I know that I will get through this the same way. I often look back and remind myself where I've come from. I've been out of the hospital for a year and a half after two and a half years of being hospitalized every six months. I'm in college. I'm living on my own. I'm still present and coherent. When I look on it like that suddenly things don't seem so bad.
One of the biggest things that help are the people who support me through life. I don't have a lot of friends my own age. I don't make friends easy and I really need to work at keeping up friendships better. That being said I have very supportive parents. I have brothers who would do anything for me. I have friends/acquaintances/women from church who I don't know what to call because I still feel like a child, who are an incredible support to me. I also have a group of other mental health bloggers I interact with multiple times a week. When my head tries to tell me I don't have people I remember all of these people.
With my treatment team, my friends and support system, and my stubborn personality I know I will make it out of this hump. Life is not linear, it's full of peaks and plains and dips. It's okay to not be doing hunky dory 24/7. I'm not. I don't expect to be. All I know for sure is what goes down will come back up (okay, okay I know it's the other way around for science, but mental illness is not an exact science) Months like now are when my extra dash of stubbornness serve me well. I'll continue to use it.