I got these rocks years ago. They helped ground me when I was anxious, paranoid, and afraid. They brought me comfort.
Two nights ago I got them out of the drawer they’ve been living in. With everything going on in my life right now I’ve been struggling with anxiety again. They are a physical reminder that I’m okay.
I talk a lot about doing well and recovery and living well with mental illness. I have a lot of people who reach out to me who are struggling. I’m writing this for them and for everyone who knows someone with a mental illness.
I consider myself to be able to live well with my mental illnesses. That doesn’t mean I don’t have times of my life where I struggle.
That is not a failure or a weakness. My mental illnesses are just as real and valid as my chronic illnesses.
Just like I take medication, monitor my vitals, and restrict what I eat to help with my physical illnesses I have to take medication, reduce triggers, and use coping skills to help manage my mental illnesses.
The methods I use can manage, but not cure my physical illnesses and the coping skills I have can manage, but not cure my mental illnesses.
Sometimes I struggle more than others. Right now is one of those times.
My parents move to Montana, my whole family being in Montana for a couple weeks in April, and my move to Idaho (surprise! I’ll be apply to BYU-I for next year hopefully for the winter track)
None of these changes are bad. I feel confident that my parents will love Montana, that I will be okay in Bakersfield alone for the middle of April, and that Idaho is where God wants me to be.
The thing about anxiety is that it doesn’t have to be rational. It’s not.
I’ve dealt with anxiety for a very long time. I know it well. I know how to deal with it. I know it won’t kill me and I know it will pass.
I wanted to write this to show that recovery is not linear. Recovery doesn’t mean your symptoms disappear. To me it means you are able to manage and live your life successfully along with the symptoms.